do you like actual facts?

are you a trivia buff? if so, our new book, fill my brain, is right up your alley! 499 pages of facts, quotes, bits of history, statistics, and the kind of snarky asides that you've come to know and love after almost 20 years of elsewhen indoctrination.

celebrate your superiority over the mouth breathers! available as black markings on dead tree guts or as a nearly endless stream of ones and zeroes - we don't care which as long as you buy it!

useless factoid #22

the fingerprints of koala bears are virtually indistinguishable from those of humans, so much so that they can be easily confused at a crime scene. so, if you're going to commit a crime, always carry a koala with you.

useless factoid #21

banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour. so at least your effort isn't all in vain.

useless factoid #20

if exposed to radiation (by walking on a california beach this week, for example) , the best thing that you can do, other than get to a doctor, is drink wine or vodka. both contain an antioxidant that helps to limit the damage caused by radiation poisoning. so that's one good reason to keep alcohol around.

useless factoid #19

the university of hull conducted an interesting study. a group of students were asked to list their memories of various periods of their life. one in five students “remembered” something that didn’t really happen.

most fictitious memories "happened" between the ages of 4-8. for example, one student claimed that he played team hockey as a child even though his parents said he didn't. another student claimed that he had seen a real dinosaur.

nevertheless, many people confidently claim their memories of imaginary events to be true. according to research, fictitious memories are inseparable from human autobiographical memory.

not only that: every time that you remember something, your brain re-saves the memory, and the memory becomes less and less accurate over time - almost as if your brain is playing post office with itself - until the memory is more fiction than fact.

useless factoid #18

sleep deprived men are more likely to believe that women want to have sex with them. (this is not a joke.) also, those who are into kinkier sex tend to be more psychologically stable. on the other hand, 11 thousand americans injure themselves each year trying out new positions, so maybe we all need to look at the diagrams a little closer, first.

useless factoid #17

a pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes. men experience a grand total of 3 hours of orgasm over their entire lifetime. so apparently, ladies, men are not pigs after all (despite any other evidence to the contrary).

useless factoid #16

naturally-occurring sounds below 20hz (the lower level of human hearing) can cause people to hallucinate and/or experience feelings of intense fear, awe, or revulsion. it is believed that ghost 'sightings' and other supernatural phenomena are likely caused by sounds in this range. the study of such sounds is called infrasonics.

useless factoid #15

you may have heard that it's impossible to tickle yourself. that's not true. you can tickle the roof of your mouth with your tongue. (but it's still more fun to tickle someone else.)

useless factoid #14

men who help with housework also tend to have more sex (maybe because there's more time?). having an orgasm a day adds roughly 4 years to your life. 700 orgasms a year can add 8 years. (anything more than that is probably expecting too much.)

useless factoid #13

because of the limitations of genetic diversity, at any given moment there are 6 people who look just like you. if you travel a bit or live in a major city, there is a 9% chance that you will meet one of them in your lifetime.

useless factoid #12

22% of americans can name all 5 members of the simpsons family, but only 0.1% can name all 5 first amendment freedoms.

useless factoid #11

when ignored by the person whose attention means the most to you, your brain reacts as if you are experiencing physical pain. (more interesting stuff re: the brain and love here.)

useless factoid #10

many of the political pix posted on facebook, when you do a little research, are posted by an organization that's owned by another organization that's owned by another organization that's owned by yet another organization that believes in turning the u.s. into a theocracy like iran, or is owned by the koch brothers, a wing of the nazi party, or some other batshit crazy group. but when we 'like' the one sentence meme they posted, they say that 'everyone' agrees with their plan to turn us into soup. look into the groups that you support with your 'likes'. they just may want to eat you.

useless factoid #9

jeanne de clisson, a frenchwoman whose husband was beheaded for treason, swore revenge and sold her family lands to buy 3 warships. for the next 13 years she went on a pirating binge, targeted king philip vi’s ships, and personally beheaded each french noblemen she captured with an axe.

useless factoid #8

in 2000, an oklahoma schoolgirl was suspended for casting a spell on her teacher, which allegedly made him ill and caused him to be hospitalized. (somehow, this one does not surprise us. sorry, oklahoma.)

useless factoid #7

the british parliament passed a law condemning lipstick, stating that women found guilty of seducing men into matrimony by cosmetic means could be tried for witchcraft.

useless factoid #6

bonobos are an increasingly rare relative of chimpanzees and humans. like us, bonobos walk upright, not on all fours, and have complex language skills. they have also developed a ridiculously peaceful culture compared to other hominids. their answer to everything? sex. they use sex as a greeting, a means to form social bonds, and as conflict resolution. (so maybe we owe hugh hefner an apology?)

useless factoid #5

president john quincy adams regularly swam nude in the potomac river. anne royall, the first female american professional journalist, knew of adams’ 5 a.m. swims. after being refused interviews with the president time after time, she went to the river, gathered his clothes and sat on them until she had her interview. this was the first presidential interview ever given to a woman.

useless factoid #4

in 1998, a teacher said that she smelled a gas-like odor in her classroom. she soon developed a headache, nausea, short breath, and dizziness. hours later, 80 kids and 19 staff were in the emergency room. the cause: mass psychogenic delusion. (if you've ever seen an episode of 'brain games', you know that our minds can be tricked into almost anything.)