so we got this email from wells fargo thanking us for signing up for their bill pay service, which is funny, because we didn't. so we read the terms & conditions, and the service is free provided that we keep a us$5,000 minimum balance - otherwise, it's $6.95 a month. if we want to drop out of their bill pay plan, they provide an 800 number for us to call.
hmmm, we thought, interesting concept. so how about this as a reply:
thank you for signing up for elsewhen returns, which you can enjoy absolutely free... provided that you read it while chanting the lyrics to chrome bones' song, money, and post a video of a wells fargo vp - preferably the one that came up with your bill pay campaign - getting cornholed by iceberg, his future cell-mate. otherwise, all you have to pay is $695 per diem to enjoy yummy elsewhen goodness.
here's wells fargo's verbatim message:
Welcome to Wells Fargo Bill Pay*. Now you can pay virtually anyone, anytime, anywhere you have Internet access.
Getting started is easy:
* Go to wellsfargo.com and enter your username and password and click "Go"
* If you do not have a username or password, or if you have forgotten them, click the "Username/Password Help" link and follow the quick, step-by-step instructions
After you have signed on, click the Bill Pay tab and use the Popular Payee list, browse our online directory of companies, or simply enter the name of the company or person you want to pay.
With Online Bill Pay you can:
* Pay any person or company in the U.S. -- your credit card company, mortgage lender, or even your Aunt Joan.
* Schedule one-time or recurring payments days, weeks, or months in advance.
* Select eBills to receive and view bills online from a growing list of companies.
To see how Online Banking with Bill Pay can help you manage your finances, pay bills and even how to bank with your mobile device, check out our online tour at https://www.wellsfargo.com/onlinetour.
If you have any questions, please call us at 1-800-956-4442. We're here 24 hours, 7 days a week. You may also send us an email by clicking "Contact Us" during your secure Online Banking session.
Thank you for choosing Wells Fargo Bill Pay. We look forward to meeting all your online banking needs.
Randy Thomas
Senior Vice President
Online Customer Service
* Bill Pay is free of monthly service fees if you have an eligible checking account. For customers who do not have an eligible account, Bill Pay is free for the first two months for new customers only, and remains free of monthly service fees if you maintain at least $5,000 in your qualifying personal accounts at all times. Otherwise, Bill Pay is $6.95 per month (includes up to 25 payments per month; each additional payment costs $0.40). For more information about eligible and qualifying accounts, go to www.wellsfargo.com/wfonline/schedule.
To review your Online Access Agreement and any fees that may be applicable to Wells Fargo Online or Wells Fargo Business Online, please visit www.wellsfargo.com/agreement.
